Habiba Tunau MD

I woke up today thinking the last few days have been filled with tragic news but today would be different . Today I was going to be upbeat. I reached for my cell phone to check my social media sites and the first thing I saw was “tribute to Anthony Bourdain”. My first thought was : it must be about some award he is getting. I continued to read and learned he had died today ! One of my heroes and another icon dead due to an apparent suicide in the span of less than a week!!! I started to cry as the questions in my head came flooding in.  Why? How? No!!!

 I am not exaggerating when I say my family and I loved this man.  The world knew him as a celebrity chef, food writer, television host but to me he was the tall, smart, straight talking uncle from New York who took us on exotic trips around the world. We had shared dinner conversations and expanded out culinary palate. We have watched him treat  foreign foods and cultures with respect. Yes occasionally he had a potty mouth but we loved his honesty and lack of pretentiousness.

I can honestly say we have watched every episode of Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown, A Cooks Tour, and No Reservations Travel show thanks to Hulu. Some episodes we have watched several times, like the times he went to Vietnam a place he loved and also the time he ate with President Obama.

I genuinely feel so sad and so do my teenage kids who have watched his shows along with us. Our 16-year-old daughter asked me why I thought he had committed suicide. I told her only God knows and that I could only speculate.  May be he had died of a broken heart. He had been divorced and had a girlfriend and daughter that he leaves behind according to the news. Maybe it had something to do with the pressures of work and the demanding schedule that kept him from his loved ones. Maybe  it had something to do with his alcohol use which he had battled with for years or maybe it was a combination of all the above in addition to severe depression I don’t know.

What I do know as a physician is that depression is real and left untreated results can be tragic. Maybe as providers we need to increase our emphasis on mental health awareness as muchh as we do on physical health or medical concerns.  As an individual I have never been suicidal or had thoughts that I was better off dead than alive but believe me when I say I have felt excessive sadness, severe anxiety and hopelessness at different times in my life. It is a scary, lonely way to feel and I thank God that there is help out there for those who seek it in time.

Why do some people not seek help for depression? They may be afraid of the social stigma. They may be afraid others will think they are weak. They may be afraid their feelings will be discounted. How many times have I heard patients say “I will just pray on it” or “ I am not crazy” They may be afraid that their feelings are a source of embarrassment of shame. They may be afraid their employers or coworkers may find out….the list goes on.

All I can say as a mother and as a friend of someone who has contemplated suicide PLEASE talk to someone about your depression. Get help from your physician, therapist or preacher.

If you are suicidal please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1800-273-TALK (8255)

If you are a Veteran, the Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255 press 1

RIP Anthony Bourdain. You were loved and will be missed but never forgotten!

(I am an Internist and not a Psychiatrist or mental health expert and the opinions above are mine. Please see your provider for medical or psychiatric treatment)

Originally written  on june 8th 2018